I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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