I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
