I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
