Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize