I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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