I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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