I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
birth control should be required to get into college
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
