I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
