On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
