She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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