my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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