Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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