the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
