all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
