I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
