I didn't shave. On purpose
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
