I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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