flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
