I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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