I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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