Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
