Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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