420 ftw
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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