come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
