R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize