I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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