Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
