I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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