i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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