farters have to be the big spoon...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
