apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
