it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
