i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
