Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
