It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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