Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
