like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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