so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
