i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
