yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
