I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize