i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
