She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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