I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
