dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
