Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
accomplished twins. life is a go
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
