Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
