Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
