There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
