She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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