I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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