I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
