Sorry, I don't speak sober.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
