I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
