I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I did not marry a roomba.
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