kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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