So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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