this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
