I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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