lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
