I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
