went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
