you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
