Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize