Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
