Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
