mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
