Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
