I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
