eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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