Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
