dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she smelled like a LAN party
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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