I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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