Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
