it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
